Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
