I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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