someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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