why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
