she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
