So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
