What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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