One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
