i jhust puked up my retainher.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I forget how to act sober
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
