Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
