are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
