and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
