Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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