I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
