I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize