I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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