Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
