She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
