Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
