And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
