im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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