Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
