I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
