I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
