btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
