thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize