we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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