Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
