There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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