Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
