hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
