just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
