Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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