Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize