Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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