Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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