Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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