I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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