I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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