I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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