My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
