She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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