Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
