my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
