I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
