the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
