"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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