Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
