this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
