so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
