saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We have started to decorate penises.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
