So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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