Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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