The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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