tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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