I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize