To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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