Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
