It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize