Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
