You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wanna passion pit in your ass
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
