Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
