Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
