I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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